First date safety for plus-size women: a practical plan

Before you agree to meet

Most bad dates and nearly all scams can be filtered out before anyone leaves the house. Spend ten minutes on this.

• Video call for at least five minutes. It confirms he is the person in the photos and gives you a feel for how he talks to you.
• Run a reverse image search on one or two of his photos.
• Search his first name with his city and job. You are checking the story holds together, not digging up his life.
• Keep the chat on the app until the date is set. A sudden push to text or WhatsApp is a common scam move, according to the FTC and Irish police.

Choosing the place

Pick somewhere public, busy and familiar to you. Familiar matters for comfort as well as safety. You already know the seating, the walk from parking and where the restroom is, so nothing about the venue can throw you.

Booths and chairs without arms are easy to request when you book. Coffee, a casual lunch spot or a bar with table service all work well for a first meeting. Save hikes, theme parks and his apartment for later dates, once you know him.

Tell a friend, properly

“I have a date tonight” is not a safety plan. Send a friend his profile name, a screenshot of his photo, the venue address and the time you expect to be done. Agree on a check-in time and a code word that means “call me with an excuse.”

Share your live location for the evening if your phone supports it, and switch it off when you are home.

During the date

Arrive and leave on your own: your car, a rideshare you booked, or transit. Do not let him pick you up from home on a first date. Keep your drink with you and order a new one if you step away.

Pay attention to how he treats staff and how he reacts to small boundaries, like you saying you only have an hour. That tells you more than anything he says about himself.

If he makes a comment about your body

Some comments come from awkwardness, some from contempt. You do not have to figure out which on the spot. A short, level reply gives him one chance to correct himself.

• Remarks on what you order: “I'm good, thanks. So, tell me about your work.”
• Surprise that you look like your photos: “That's because they're recent. Glad they were useful.”
• Anything about weight loss, gain or “potential”: “That's not something I discuss on a date.”
• A second comment after you have set the line: you can leave. That is the whole answer.

How to leave early

Decide your exit line before you go so you are not inventing one under pressure. “I'm going to head off, thanks for meeting me” works anywhere. Pay for your own share if you want a clean break, or simply go.

If you feel unsafe, tell the staff and ask them to help you get a car or wait with you. If you are in danger, call 911 in the US, 999 in the UK or 112 in Ireland.

Leaving a date early is not rude. It is information he gave you, acted on.